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Forms of Abuse

Domestic violence is an intentional pattern in a relationship where one partner works to gain power and control over another partner. Abuse can include physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and/or other methods of violence and harm, described below.

An abuser may choose to inflict multiple types of abuse at the same time, or they may choose to change or escalate the abuse over time, as they seek more control.

Abuse is never a victim or survivor’s fault. You’re not alone, and help is available. Click here to learn more.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is a powerful way that an abusive person gets and keeps their partner under control, and it instills an environment of constant fear. While physical abuse is the form of abuse that is most commonly known, it may or may not always be a part of an abusive relationship.

If physical abuse is present early in the relationship, it commonly gets worse over time as an abuser seeks more and more control.

If physical abuse is not present early in the relationship, a partner may begin using it slowly over time, or suddenly when they feel like they are “losing” control, like when a victim gets pregnant or considers leaving the relationship.

Physical abuse can include…

  • Hitting, punching, kicking, slapping or shoving you
  • Strangling or smothering you (read more here about the dangers of strangulation)
  • Using guns or other weapons to hurt you
  • Interrupting your sleep
  • Throwing things or destroying property
  • Hurting or killing pets or children
  • Denying you medical treatment if they injure you

Sexual Abuse

Many abusers choose to use some form of sexual abuse in order to hurt or control a partner, but it’s often the least discussed form of abuse — especially if a victim is made to feel embarrassed or ashamed, or if they were taught that what they’re experiencing is “normal.”

Sexual abuse can be committed with outright physical force or violence, and it can also be committed with pressure, threats, and coercion. Being able to safely and freely consent to sex (and to anything else!) is an essential part of any healthy relationship.

Sexual abuse can include…

  • Physically forcing you to have sex
  • Making you feel fearful about saying “no” to sex
  • Forcing you to have sex with other partners
  • Forcing you to participate in demeaning or degrading sexual acts
  • Using unwanted physical violence or name-calling during sex
  • Tampering with or refusing to use contraception
  • Taking or sharing intimate photos or videos of you without consent

Learn more about Sexual Abuse and Exploitation from NNEDV’s WomensLaw team.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse occurs in some form in all abusive relationships. It is a very effective tactic used by abusive partners to build and maintain power and control, and it can cause extreme damage to the victim’s self-esteem.

Commonly, emotional abuse makes the victim feel like they are responsible for the abuse, leading to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that keep them trapped in the relationship. When a victim doesn’t think anyone will believe them or help them, they may feel like they have no choice but to stay.

Emotional abuse can include…

  • Constantly putting you down, criticizing you, or calling you names
  • Making you feel “crazy,” like you’re overreacting or imagining the abuse
  • Acting superior to you and trying to define your reality
  • Minimizing the abuse
  • Blaming you for their choice to be abusive
  • Threatening you and making you feel afraid
  • Isolating you from supportive family and friends
  • Being jealous of your other relationships
  • Accusing you of cheating on them
  • Monitoring where you go and who you talk to

Learn more about Emotional and Psychological Abuse from NNEDV’s WomensLaw team.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse, while less commonly understood, is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a survivor trapped in an abusive relationship and deeply diminishes the victim’s ability to stay safe after leaving an abusive partner.

Research indicates that financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. Survivors often share that concerns over their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children were some of the top reasons for staying with, or returning to, abusive partners.

Financial abuse can include…

  • Sabotaging your job or forbidding you from working
  • Controlling all the money and financial decisions
  • Preventing you from accessing financial accounts
  • Giving you an “allowance”
  • Intentionally ruining your credit
  • Refusing to pay spousal or child support
  • Stealing your identity, property, or assets

Learn more about Financial Abuse from NNEDV’s Economic Justice team.